Work on my side of things for this album have been hideously slow and unproductive. For a while I couldn't focus. Then nothing sounded good. Then I just didn't have time. Then I would get back into things and I wouldn't be able to focus. Things sounded horrible. Then I wouldn't have any time, for weeks and weeks on end. And then when I would get back into things, I wouldn't be able to focus. Things sounded horrible--etc. etc. etc. etc.
There's no excuse really but that's part of what led to my post last week: announcing our anniversary (YAY!) and, unfortunately, also that we weren't able to finish things in time. Instinctively from day one I never thought we would make the deadline, because it's easier and more natural for me to focus on negative things. These people are called pessimists but you'll rarely hear anyone call themselves that. They think that because they can embrace the bad that somehow that's more realistic, which is why they call themselves realists instead. The logic that this kind of thinking requires is insane and yet it's so omnipresent we never think about it. So think about that, man, while you suck on the teat of corporate America, carefully crafting your brand because you are the commodity, man, you are the reason we--
Ugh.
So while I didn't think we would make the deadline originally, I always maintained a modest level of hope. Of course to me, hope is used as a false positive, as in, "I hope I get this beat in time because I don't want to sound like a shit head by saying 'Fuck, there's no way I'm going to get this beat done in time.'" I tried staying positive and maintained a thin veneer of a gungho disposition, but it wasn't for the right reasons I don't think. To his credit Scurvy D was always headstrong and positive, a decisive boost to the group's morale, all the way up until about a week before the deadline. Despite his efforts and my own futile "BE POSITIVE" ethos (what a success!!) I sit here dejected that we have not finished in time. Even with suspicion that we wouldn't make it, I'm still disappointed in myself. It weighs on me a great deal and I hope everyone can forgive me.
From here on out though things will be different. We have regrouped. We have restructured. We have reorganized. We have altered our priorities. We have delegated. We are on a track that is somewhat more smooth than when we first started so in a sense we're doing fine.
On 03/22/2013 I started work on four new beats: one for Sample Pages and three for the new album. (Side note: from here on out I'd like to start using "sketches" in place of beats. In my mind "beats" are more of a fully realized product with some semblance of structure and will mostly remain in tact for the final version. Everything else is a "sketch," or a "draft," but I prefer to maintain the painting/drawing analogy because it's my fucking choice. There are lots of sketches on my computer and there always have been, since the very beginning Most are no longer than eight bars and most suck complete fucking ass. They are so horrible that I'm afraid that when I die someone will waste part of their life listening to them and will be able to empirically conclude that I did in fact suck complete and total fucking ass. That said, I have to make a bunch of shit to get to something serviceable, much less good, which is why I'm only half joking when I say that I suck complete and total fucking ass (I just suck fucking ass). Over time working on abandoned sketches helps to flesh out the track that they eventually, hopefully become. Maybe I pull an instrument or a setting or I steal a riff from one of these shitty sketches, and when that happens and I can make it work, it was all worth it. My problem as of late has been getting to the point where I can be happy with a sketch. There have been times where I tried and tried to be happy with something shitty but I get so disgusted with myself that I just close it out and hit don't save. Ugh.)
I've also been working with Anthony some trying to provide input for some of his ideas during the mixing/editing process. (Anthony, by the way, is working his ass off while I'm crying on a blog.) I don't want to begin to think about how insane that project is but he apparently loves it. I was thinking today that I need to send him more real world examples to help maybe articulate what I'm trying to say. I don't do that enough. I need to do that more, goddamn it. Standby while I send him this Aaliyah video just for the hell of it (shhh don't tell him, let it be a surprise)..........
Ok.
Other than all of this I think we're going to be fine. Right? Tonight I believe I'm going to be working with Scurvy D and Forrest and maybe finalize some takes on something and maybe finalize a beat, maybe. I don't know. But from here on out, nothing but positive thoughts. Positive, positive, positive. Positive positive, positive, positive, positive, positive...
Wyatt
